Comments on: Work or Stay Home Quandary

By: Katy

Katy — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 13:43:37 +0000

Congratulations on making a decision that feels right to you! There is nothing better than feeling good about your choices, and not having regrets.

Good for you!

By: SC

SC — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 00:07:49 +0000

Congrats L - I dont think this is a decision you will regret.

“The work will wait while you show the child the rainbow, but the rainbow won’t wait while you finish the work”
-Pat Clifford

By: Becky

Becky — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:33:10 +0000

Yay to L in Woodbury! It’s always good to rehash all the pros and cons, and I am excited that you were able to make your decision. Again, I am jealous of you!

By: L in Woodbury

L in Woodbury — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:25:21 +0000

I want to thank everyone who weighed in on my situation. It was a tough one but your insight helped me make a decision I know I’ll never regret: I’m staying at home with my baby. We’re going to have to adhere to a stricter budget–but hey, it’ll all be worth it for me and my family in the long run. I felt so relieved after reading your comments yesterday. Without cribsheet and this interaction with other moms, I don’t know if I could have made the choice that I did. So thank you Kay and Chen!

By: someonewknows

someonewknows — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 03:05:47 +0000

This is what I would do…I would go on weekdays fill out applications looking for another part time job for weekends.
I also stay home taking care of my 17 months baby girl and also had a part time job on weekends but it was killing my relationship with my partner.
i don’t think the money is worth the price.

I will go back to work when my child is 3 or so. In the mean time I enjoy the time with my child on weekends and my partner.
Best of luck!

By: L from Woodbury

L from Woodbury — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 20:05:02 +0000

I really like the idea that Maria had of taking in a kid to make extra money. That’d give my son someone to play with and put a few nickles in my pocket. And Kat, as crazy as this may sound, I didn’t even think of finding “another” part time job somewhere else. I appreciate that feedback. You ladies are really lightening my load! Your wisdom and insight are a blessing to my spirit.

And Tricia, the industry I’m in really pays “peanuts”–I might as well be an elephant at the circus. But I love what I’m doing, so I’ve overlooked the pay for so long and just kind of “budgeted” my way through it. My husband picks up the tab for insurance–but you’re right–if I’m not working, I’m not saving for my retirement. Don’t want to be 75 years old checking groceries at Cub food so I can afford my medication!

By: Tricia

Tricia — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:03:53 +0000

When you do the math, don’t forget to figure in the future: If you’re not working, will you still be able to pay into a retirement account at the same rate or, actually, even more, because you need to make up for the lost Social Security benefits. Will you be able to afford more life insurance on your working spouse?

By: Emilie

Emilie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:02:49 +0000

I agree with the posters who have wisely noted that this is a personal decision that only you can make. That said, when I read your initial post, I got the impression that your main concern is financial — that, given the choice, you would prefer to stay home with your child, but you don’t know if you can afford to.

I can speak to this; as someone who initially had planned to go back to work but realized midway through my maternity leave that I wanted to be home with my child, my husband and I had to do some hard thinking about whether we could afford it. It turns out that we were able to make it work by carefully recrafting our budget and making some lifestyle changes. (Examples: We don’t take as many vacations or buy as many new clothes. We are resigned to staying in our modestly priced starter home longer than we may have planned. We buy used cars and plan to keep them for a long time. We find a lot of cheap entertainment and don’t sign our toddler up for every fun-sounding class or program that comes along.)

I was pleasantly surprised that living on one income was not as painful as I’d imagined. The initial transition was kind of tough, of course, but I don’t feel as if we’re in want. And we’re still managing to sock some money away for retirement. I know that not all families can make the adjustment (we don’t need two incomes to cover our mortgage, for example) but it’s worth considering IF your primary desire is to stay home.

This is our experience I’m sharing, and I realize it may not be right for you. I just thought you might appreciate a little encouragement from someone who has managed to make it work. (By the way, I think the advice about finding another weekend job is great, too!)

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:47:35 +0000

Two more things to consider:

1) The long-term effects of abandoning your career completely for a few years. If I were to quit my job, my skills would quickly get outdated and I would have to start completely over when the time came. (Even working part-time in your field but in a different company would alleviate this.)

2) Craigslist! We found a nanny on craigslist for our twins and she is awesome. We’ve been calling her Mary Poppins. And she is cheaper than the center we had been sending them to for a while.

Like the other posters said though, this is totally an individual choice. I know people that are really happy with either one. I personally like our gig: my husband and I have staggered shifts so we only need daycare one day a week.

By: Darcie

Darcie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:39:17 +0000

When I first went back to work I cried and cried. And cried. I couldn’t stand leaving my little girl behind, even though it was only 4 days a week. Now, two years later - I am constantly amazed by what she has learned from her time at her in-home daycare. (We searched and searched - both centers and in-home). Now I look at the cost of childcare as “tuition” if you will. She participates in a pre-school program and has learned so much more than her dad and I could have taught her on our own. She LOVES the learning environment and the other kids - both younger and older. It wasn’t easy leaving her at first but gradually did get easier. I’m not the stay-at-home type and ideally I’d like to cut back from work one more day but all in all, it’s been a blessing for us! I hold the family benefit package through my job and while I am not bringing home a ton of cash after paying benies and childcare, it’s enough to cover a few things. Investigate all of the options - there are tons and like someone else said - you can always change your mind!