Comments on: Sisters Who Settle: Part 2 http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/ Just another ww3.startribune.com weblog Mon, 08 Sep 2008 15:29:31 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Tobi http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5805 Tobi Mon, 17 Mar 2008 21:26:13 +0000 http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5805 My sentiments exactly. But those Ivy League law degrees can be a powerful aphrodesiac! They've been the downfall of many a broken-hearted woman! My sentiments exactly. But those Ivy League law degrees can be a powerful aphrodesiac! They’ve been the downfall of many a broken-hearted woman!

]]> By: May http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5802 May Mon, 17 Mar 2008 20:39:16 +0000 http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5802 Tobi, I am trying to reconcile the words "lust" and "spitzer" in the same sentence... Tobi, I am trying to reconcile the words “lust” and “spitzer” in the same sentence…

]]> By: Tobi http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5795 Tobi Mon, 17 Mar 2008 14:51:19 +0000 http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5795 I knew someone in law school who briefly dated Eliot Spitzer. She lusted after him and would have sold her soul to marry him, but her feelings were unrequited. I am not in touch with her anymore, but I bet she is breathing a BIG sigh of relief right about now. Or maybe not. Maybe she would have seen this sort of thing as an "occupational" (matrimonial?) hazard and worth the cost. Who can say? Good article in the NYTimes Style section yesterday about wives who do or do not stand by their men. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/16/fashion/16wives.html?_r=1&ref=fashion&oref=slogin I knew someone in law school who briefly dated Eliot Spitzer. She lusted after him and would have sold her soul to marry him, but her feelings were unrequited. I am not in touch with her anymore, but I bet she is breathing a BIG sigh of relief right about now. Or maybe not. Maybe she would have seen this sort of thing as an “occupational” (matrimonial?) hazard and worth the cost. Who can say? Good article in the NYTimes Style section yesterday about wives who do or do not stand by their men.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/16/fashion/16wives.html?_r=1&ref=fashion&oref=slogin

]]> By: St. Paul single http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5771 St. Paul single Fri, 14 Mar 2008 14:54:19 +0000 http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5771 Let's remember, too, that our time in history and our place in the world give us the luxury of even considering this question. Many women around the world have no choice. Let’s remember, too, that our time in history and our place in the world give us the luxury of even considering this question.

Many women around the world have no choice.

]]> By: Katy http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5765 Katy Thu, 13 Mar 2008 21:14:16 +0000 http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5765 I love it, May! I laughed out loud. : ) I love it, May! I laughed out loud. : )

]]> By: May http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5764 May Thu, 13 Mar 2008 21:06:33 +0000 http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5764 Eliot Spitzer? Eliot Spitzer?

]]> By: Tobi http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5763 Tobi Thu, 13 Mar 2008 19:02:58 +0000 http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5763 Great post. It's really hard to be single, a little (or a lot) older, surrounded by friends with husbands and kids, and feeling your own biological clock ticking (or clanging, as it was in my case). People would say to me: "You're too picky" or "you're never going to meet anyone unless you [fill in the blank however you want]." How frustrating! Well, what if it's the guys who are too picky? And what if one meets plenty of people, just not ones who are interested or interesting or available? I think it finally comes down to maturity, as singleinthecities said. My own maturity, and also the maturity of the man I did finally marry. When I think about how I had pictured my ideal mate when I was 16 (or 22, or even 35!), I am SO glad I didn't marry that ideal. People change, problems emerge, life throws things at you you'd never expect, and you just never know whether that dreamboat you fantasized about when you were young is going to turn into an abusive drunk; or whether the complete dork you rejected for prom is going to turn into, um, well, fill in your own blank [George Clooney? Bill Gates? Robert Reich? Bruce Springsteen?]. Great post. It’s really hard to be single, a little (or a lot) older, surrounded by friends with husbands and kids, and feeling your own biological clock ticking (or clanging, as it was in my case). People would say to me: “You’re too picky” or “you’re never going to meet anyone unless you [fill in the blank however you want].” How frustrating!

Well, what if it’s the guys who are too picky? And what if one meets plenty of people, just not ones who are interested or interesting or available? I think it finally comes down to maturity, as singleinthecities said. My own maturity, and also the maturity of the man I did finally marry.

When I think about how I had pictured my ideal mate when I was 16 (or 22, or even 35!), I am SO glad I didn’t marry that ideal. People change, problems emerge, life throws things at you you’d never expect, and you just never know whether that dreamboat you fantasized about when you were young is going to turn into an abusive drunk; or whether the complete dork you rejected for prom is going to turn into, um, well, fill in your own blank [George Clooney? Bill Gates? Robert Reich? Bruce Springsteen?].

]]> By: I'm single, not dead http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5762 I'm single, not dead Thu, 13 Mar 2008 18:04:57 +0000 http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5762 I don't compromise, not because it would be so hard to live with him, but because it would be awful to have to live with myself knowing that I did. Not having a husband doesn't mean I demand "hearts/flowers/violins all the time." It simply means I haven't found a match. And so what if I don't? Is marriage the end-all of everything I could achieve in life? I don’t compromise, not because it would be so hard to live with him, but because it would be awful to have to live with myself knowing that I did. Not having a husband doesn’t mean I demand “hearts/flowers/violins all the time.” It simply means I haven’t found a match. And so what if I don’t? Is marriage the end-all of everything I could achieve in life?

]]> By: claudia http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5761 claudia Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:48:58 +0000 http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5761 Some people don't let go of the man of "their 16-year-old imagination" -ever. Some people never mature beyond adolesence. Some people are mature beyond their years in college and are lucky enough to meet a similarly mature and compatible person in their early 20s and get started on a family. Some people's idyllic lives are upturned by scandal or quiet betrayal. I do believe in needing a certain amount of chemistry for a relationship to work (i.e., not just "compatible" but more), but requiring hearts/flowers/violins all the time? Honestly I think that's too high maintenance for a normal human being. I have friends who are within a couple years either side of forty who still insist on finding someone who makes their heart go pitter pat many months into the dating relationship. I don't know what to say to these friends, who, in the next breath, lament not having a baby yet. It's a complex issue. Thank you for so adeptly writing about your perspective, singleinthecities. Some people don’t let go of the man of “their 16-year-old imagination” -ever. Some people never mature beyond adolesence. Some people are mature beyond their years in college and are lucky enough to meet a similarly mature and compatible person in their early 20s and get started on a family. Some people’s idyllic lives are upturned by scandal or quiet betrayal. I do believe in needing a certain amount of chemistry for a relationship to work (i.e., not just “compatible” but more), but requiring hearts/flowers/violins all the time? Honestly I think that’s too high maintenance for a normal human being. I have friends who are within a couple years either side of forty who still insist on finding someone who makes their heart go pitter pat many months into the dating relationship. I don’t know what to say to these friends, who, in the next breath, lament not having a baby yet. It’s a complex issue. Thank you for so adeptly writing about your perspective, singleinthecities.

]]> By: May http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5760 May Thu, 13 Mar 2008 15:36:13 +0000 http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/13/sisters-who-settle-part-2/#comment-5760 Lovely, eloquent and heartfelt. Thank you, singleinthecities, for writing on Cribsheet. Lovely, eloquent and heartfelt. Thank you, singleinthecities, for writing on Cribsheet.

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