Pulling the Plug
Posted on May 14th, 2008 – 7:44 AMBy May Chen
WCCO TV’s Frank Vascellaro guest blogs for Cribsheet on ideas for getting rid of the pacifier…
Bribes, threats, pleas, even a scheme involving our pediatrician.
We tried about everything to get our son Joe to give up his pacifier, the nuk ; or as he called it, the “bah-bah”. Finally, when Joe was nearly four, and his teeth were actually starting to protrude like a baby chipmunk, we pulled the plug.
It wasn’t pretty, for Joe or us. However, I am here today to save you the pain, emotional turmoil, and sleepless nights we endured at the Vascellaro home.
I’m a TV reporter and anchor at WCCO. My names is Frank Vascellaro. I work with wife, Amelia Santaniello. We’re the first married couple in Minnesota to co-anchor a daily news program. More importantly, we are the parents of 5 year old twins and an 8 year old boy.
And as you gathered from our experience with Joe, we’re interested in offering up solutions to parenting problems. We do regular segments on all kinds of real life issues ranging from taking away the pacifier, to paying for college.
Thursday night at 10 on channel 4 we’ll air a story showing tips and strategies for taking away the nuk.The issue gets a little complicated. The American Academy of Pediatrics says you should give your newborn a pacifier to lower the risk of sudden infant death syndrome, or SIDS. However, the academy of pediatrics doesn’t say how, or when, to take it away.
So, we spoke with a pediatric dentist about how long is too long and the dangers of using a nuk for an extended period of time. I’ll tell you now, there are no hard and fast rules, but there are some decent guidelines.
Then, we found a certified parenting coach with lots of experience named Lori Jo Kemper. Lori gave us some great suggestions and strategies for pulling the plug. You’ll get her best advice and ideas Thursday at 10, but here a few.
There’s no way we couldn’t write some here because you would hate us for reading this far and getting nothing of value, and it would be rude to May, who invited me to write a few words as a guest on her blog.
So, here you are: Help the child pick a date on the calendar for no nuk day and then plan a celebration around that. Or, just take it away, no fan fare, no fun, and no backing down. Or, my favorite, a visit from the nuk fairy complete with an exchange and treats.
Finally, we found a nice family from St. Louis Park, the Garcia’s. They have two little kids and were willing to listen to some advice. It wasn’t staged, they picked the best route for them and put it into action .I think many people will relate as we followed them on their journey, complete with some infra-red camera’s at night. I hope the story is helpful for parents going through this.
I’m also confident it will bring back a lot of memories for those of you who have already pulled the plug. I know it would have helped us years ago when we were trying to get our Joe to say bye-bye to the “bah-bah”.
35 Responses to "Pulling the Plug"
Getting rid of the paci is a tough job. Our 2 year old mailed her paci to Santa last December. She sent it so that he could give it to another little kid to use…as she stated. She wrote a “letter”, put it in an envelope and went to the post office to mail it. We had a couple whines at night but really was not an overly difficult task as we expected. Best of luck to those trying to get rid of the paci.
Our daughter was just past 3 years old when we finally weaned her completely. We’d had her down to using it just at nap and night time for a while. (I used to tell her, “I can’t understand you with that nukky in your mouth.” To which she’d look up at me with complete innocence, spit the nukkie out, and repeat what she’d just said, then pick it up and put it back in!) But she was very particular about the texture of her nuks - her favorite were one by Luv’n Care, which were hard to come by - I had to buy some off Ebay in the end - and she absolutely refused any made of latex, they had to be silicone. So eventually, she’d bit through them, and we finally ran out of the good ones, and told her they were all gone. She tried that last one a few times even after she’d popped it, but it just wasn’t the same, so she gave it up on her own. On a side comment, our second daughter never took a nuk. We’ve learned from this experience, as well. My husband is adamant: baby #3 (due in September) WILL TAKE A NUK! 
when I hear the nuk battles I find myself really happy that Violet never liked hers. they gave her one in the ICU and propped it in her mouth the first night, I learned, because she kept spitting it out. After that, no dice. she’s a hand sucker, but that seems to just be when she wants to sleep. Although I suppose someday I’ll have to figure out how to get her off the thumb, and you can’t mail that to santa…
Our middle child, now 3.5, still uses the nuk at night but not during the day at school (they do not allow them after age 2). Since we also have a 20 month old, we are letting it be until the dentist tells us otherwise. We will have to wean them both when the time comes!
Our eldest never had one after 8 months because we moved to Thailand and I did not want to deal with the germ issues and his nuk. He never complained.
Our doctor recommended weaning our oldest from the nuk around age two since we had our second baby on the way at that time. Our plan was to “lose” the nuk. Two days before the scheduled lose date we really lost the nuk. We only had one left at that point, and it was already bed time when we lost it. So, the decision was made for us. We had no nuk to give her, so she went to bed without it. We had a few whimpers but nothing like we had anticipated. There was no turning back.
Frank, are you really showing a parenting piece at 10:00 at night? I haven’t stayed up that late since before the babes were born…
I think I’ve written this before, but I’ll retell it, because the strategy worked great for us.
My son was about 2 1/2 when my husband and I decided we needed to get rid of his “bobo” (nuk). We were about to adopt our daughter and I didn’t want to set up a situation where he associated her coming into our home with having to forfeit his bobo.
So one day I sat our son down and said: You know, bobos are really for little kids, not big ones. Since you’re getting to be such a big kid now, I wonder if you still need your bobo. (Of course he said: Mama, I need it, I really do.)
I said: I know you really like it, but did you know that there are some really little babies in Connecticut (where my parents live) who really NEED bobos? I think those babies would be so happy if you sent them your bobos (he had about 15 of them).
He started to cry and I asked him if he was sad that he wouldn’t have a bobo anymore, and he said: “No, I’m sad because there are babies who need bobos who don’t have them.” So I said that he would feel so good inside if he gave them his bobos. And he agreed.
So we packed them up in a special little box (with a note to the babies), then went to the post office and mailed them to my mom.
That night he asked for a bobo, and I reminded him that we mailed them to babies in Connecticut. He did just fine! Next night was a little harder, because he was having a mini-tantrum about something else and started begging for the bobo. Sorry kid, they are in Connecticut!
Next day, he found a bobo under the couch. I thought, uh oh, he’s going to pop it in his mouth! But no!!! He came right over to me and said: “Mama, we need to go to the post office with this bobo.” YAY!
A few days later, a little box arrived in the mail (from my mom), with a Thomas train, a pack of M&Ms and several tiny notes (from “babies” in Connecticut) thanking him for the bobos. My mom even gave each of the “babies” names, which I thought was a great touch. Of course, my son thought this was the best thing.
So, even though I don’t advocate lying to your kids, this ruse really worked for us, and I highly recommend it.
My son only used a nuk, the one from the hospital, for a month or so, and that was it. He never took to it, and I consider us lucky for that! We don’t plan on using them when we have another child. My sister broke the habit with her daughter because she forgot them when packing for a family weekend at the cabin, so she just went for it and it worked! She was also turning 3 that weekend, so they pulled the ‘3 year olds don’t use nuks!’ We were all surprised that it worked!
To piggy-back on Becky, I often question why they show parenting bits on the 10PM news…I only watch 4 News (I love Amelia, I want to go shopping with her!) I am almost never up at that time (I’m up for work around 5AM), so I go to the website the next day. It would be nice to see them on the 5PM or 6PM news as well.
Tobi, that made me smile! I will have to file that for later use!! Hmmmmm…I wonder if that would work with diapers/pull-ups???
Erin - It could work for other things, like pull-ups (might be a little messy!), switching from crib to big bed, or getting rid of the sippy cup.
Couldn’t use it to wean from breastfeeding though!!!!
Love reading how others have dealt with this issue - particularly when you can start instilling a sense of sharing and giving to others in need at such an early age!
We were sure we would have a terrible time getting our 18-month old to give up her nuks - she would collect and hoard them and could even put two in at once. I don’t think we have many pictures of her before that age where we could see her mouth. (We still suspect that she may have built a secret compartment in her crib mattress or bedroom wall…)
Anyway, after much fretting and plotting, my stay-at-home-dad husband emptied out the “nuk basket” one day and told my daughter that they went to live with their mommies.
It worked. (She had to make a couple of checks of the basket over the next couple days, but there was no crying, fussing or otherwise.)
Makes me think we as parents sometimes set ourselves up for a big production when a simple approach would do. Or, maybe we just got lucky this one time. : )
Here’s an excellent way to not get into the pacifier habit in the first place – breastfeed on demand! That’s not to say that pacifiers don’t have their place in certain situations, but the less you have to rely on one, the better. Kellymom.com is one of the leading websites for breastfeeding information and here is some great information on breastfeeding and pacifier use:
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/concerns/pacifier.html, in conclusion “As long as you keep the above in mind and only use a pacifier sparingly, it is up to you whether and when you wish to comfort baby yourself or with a pacifier. However, keep in mind that there is no scientific evidence that suggests that babies have a need to suck independent of the need for food. When a baby is indicating a sucking need, it’s generally best that baby be encouraged to nurse, especially if there is a weight gain concern. The breast was the first pacifier and in most cases remains the best.”
In my personal experience, I have always breastfed my son on demand (with him being in daycare full time, no less) and he has had NO desire for a pacifier, ever. This may not be possible for every situation, but I do believe that the more they are breastfed on demand, the less likely they will become attached to a pacifier. A pacifier is not a long term substitute for direct human contact and comfort, via breastfeeding.
For all I’ve read about SIDS, I never knew that giving a baby a pacifier may lessen the risk! I’m definitely going to look into that more. I also love the tips that all of you gave above for getting rid of the paci, especially Tobi’s! How adorable! I’ll definitely try to check out this story tomorrow night
To add to what Kandace said, it also works with bottle-feeding. That is what we did with my son…I didn’t mention it because I didn’t want to be the one to open the door to breast vs bottle feeding..LOL…we fed him every time he appeared hungry, and it worked well for us…it’s the same concept, different method.
Kandace & Erin,
Maybe that’s why my daughter didn’t start her nuk habit until she was 14 months old. We never could get her to take it before then. She did take one at daycare where she was on a bottle schedule, but never took one at home where I breastfed on demand. Hmmmm… The habit started at 14 months old when she picked up a nasty virus. I think it was an extra comfort during that time, and she just continued on from there. What kid STARTS a nuk habit at 14 months old!?
We started the pacifier in the hospital. My son had been latched on to me for 20 of the past 24 hours after birth. The lactation consultant to one look at my nipples and said “this kid needs a pacifier”. I always breastfed on demand and offered that first, but my son needed that pacifier.
That being said, we had no trouble weaning him from it. We did the boppy (nuk) fairy route. We picked a day about a month ahead and we talked every day about how the boppy fairy was coming and he would take the boppies and leave a present behind for Max to sleep with instead. We never heard a whimper about it. I think the exchange for presents works best if its something else to sleep with instead of a big kid toy.
I’m glad for all this advice, and will definitely check out the show on Thursday. My 14 month old is totally addicted to his nuks (and to be honest, so are we), but I want to get him off before I have baby #2 at the end of November. I’m hoping we can do it soon so he’ll be so “over” the nuk that he won’t try to steal them from the baby!
3 of my 4 kids used a pacifier until around 2 years old. We usually took them away when they moved to a big bed since the pacifier would fall out and get lost in the middle of the night. After age 4 months the kids were only allowed the pacifier in the crib (we never took it out of their bed) so they only associated it with sleeping and giving it up wasn’t that big of a deal.
My daughter used a pacifier until she was able find her thumb at 2 1/2 months. Her thumb helped her sleep through the night, so we have no complaints. And right now (1 year old on Sunday), she only sucks her thumb at night or when she is getting tired. It’s a great cue for us, but we know it may be hard to break the habit when she’s older…
My cousin used his nuks as “money” at Target. They packed up all 20 of them, he picked out a firetruck, and the cashier played along. Turns out that firetruck was exactly 20 pacifiers! He turned them over, my uncle paid on the sly and when he went to bed and wanted his pacifier he was reminded about his shiny new firetruck. Worked like a charm.
Yeah, I thought I was the best parent ever when my son gave his nuk up at 3 months. “How brilliant he is,” I thought when he found his own thumb. Two years later, this kid has his thumb in his mouth half the day. As mentioned in earlier posts…you can’t mail the thumb to Santa.
Another topic idea: help us with our thumb suckers!
Kandace is so right- the best way to break the habit is not to start the habit! Pacifiers interfere with breastfeeding, which is the absolute number one way to prevent SIDS.
So breastfeed your baby on demand, and avoid the pacifier altogether!
Both of my kids used a pacifier from about 6-8 weeks until they just didn’t want it anymore at around nine months. The only time they had a pacifier was in church, crib, and car. I was so thankful when they both just lost interest in it on their own. I guess we got lucky!
I vote for breastfeed on demand and save the pacifier for those times you can’t pacify your child with nursing like the car or bike trailer or if you are away. It worked for us!
[…] http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/05/14/pulling-the-plug/So, we spoke with a pediatric dentist about how long is too long and the dangers of using a nuk for an extended period of time. I’ll tell you now, there are no hard and fast rules, but there are some decent guidelines. (more…) […]
Tobi: what an adorable story and special little one you have. So sweet.
I cringe (and I admit, sometimes shake my head) when I see older toddlers with a nuk. If you’re old enough to ask for it, you’re too old for it! I took my son’s away at about 15 months. For him it was out of sight, out of mind - if he didn’t see it on the counter, in his crib, etc, he didn’t know to point to it. It was painless. I think some parents are too lazy to just take it away, yes it’s easy to pop it in their mouths to keep them quiet, but past 2 years old is pathetic. I would be embarrassed if my child still had a plug at that age.
As for interfering with BF’ing - What?!?! Not true, my son nursed every 2 hours for many months and had a nuk constantly. Some infants just need that sucking motion AND they do also help prevent SIDS!!
Katrina, I think Carrie may be talking about “nipple confusion” which can happen during the early days of a newborn, when breastfeeding is still being established. Same reason it’s recommended that exclusively breastfed babies shouldn’t be given a bottle (of pumped milk) until breastfeeding is well established. Not all babies have problems with nipple confusion. Just something to be aware of with newborns and breastfeeding/pacifiers.
Kandace, I can understand that to a point. But I’m worried about scaring new moms/moms-to-be about the “dangers” of pacifiers, etc. I think its important to point out that its NOT always the case. My son never experience nipple confusion and took to nursing like a champ, all the while being bottle fed by everyone. He’d take a bottle from anyone who would feed him, and never once seemed “confused”. What I’m trying to say is pacifiers don’t always cause nipple confusion and just do whatever you think is best!
I want to follow up on Katrina’s comment about how if they are old enough to ask for it, they are too old for it. I would encourage you to think about this from another perspective.
There are a lot of children who have a variety of special needs - medical, developmental, cognitive, etc. That’s the case with our daughter, although you probably wouldn’t know it from a casual interaction with her. She is now a few months shy of 3 and still uses a pacifier sometimes. Yes, she asks for it. Her unique needs are such that we actually encourage her to ask for her paci to help soothe herself or chill out a bit. I am thrilled when she asks for it, because it means that she has identified a need and knows how to communicate it - a triumph every time it happens. So, it’s not laziness, or pathetic, or embarrassing. It’s just the reality of where this child is in the range of development, and in the scheme of all of her challenges, extended use of the pacifier is pretty minor.
Of course, this is not the case with every 3 year old you see running around with a nuk in her mouth. But there is often more than meets the eye in every family. And so when I see an older kid with his blankie or nuk or still in diapers or whatever, I try to give the parents the benefit of the doubt — maybe it’s better for that child than the alternative.
That said, with my son’s extended use of his bobo? Sheer laziness on my part!
Tobi - point well taken! I try to keep that in mind when I see small children acting up, I don’t judge the parents based on not knowing their situation (more often than not, I can sympathize!). It honestly hadn’t occured to me that a child with a paci might have a medical/developmental condition.
I was a human pacifier for the first few months of breastfeeding my two kids. I think the babies suck because of the human interaction as well as for hunger. Every parent makes their own decisions for their family’s needs. Nothing is “easier” as far as breast/bottle feeding or pacifiers/thumbs. It is only what works for your family. Count yourselves lucky if the worst thing in the world is weaning from a pacifier.
Katrina, I would be careful about giving the advice that just because your baby didn’t experience nipple confusion dosn’t mean that other babies won’t or that you can tell apart the ones that will. It is something to be aware of and mindful of when deciding to give a baby a pacifier and bottle especially in the begining when breastfeeding is being established.
Liz, as I said above - I’m afraid we’re scaring the new moms and/or moms-to-be. Nipple confusing doesn’t ALWAYS happen. That’s a fact. It’s something to be mindful of, certainly, just as you’d be mindful of many things involving newborns. I’m merely pointing out the fact that nipple confusion can be the exception and not the rule.
I agree Katrina, it’s important to point out that not all babies will experience that confusion.
Liz- I don’t think that what Katrina said sounded anything like “no babies experience it” and that she was trying to be a know-it-all. She was merely pointing out the fact that not ALL babies experience it. Don’t know if that was worth calling her out on.
