Keep Dad Out of the Delivery Room?
Posted on June 2nd, 2008 – 11:46 AMBy Kay Krhin
We’ve seen the old movies and sitcoms where the expectant father nervously paces in the waiting room the nurse steps in and proclaims “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” Said father then hands out the cigars and receives ’attaboy’ pats on the back.
According to leading obstetrician, Michel Odent those ”father in the waiting room” days should return. He thinks fathers in the delivery room hinder rather than help the mother with labor and believes the experience can also have negative repercussions down the road.
Read the article here. Thanks to Cribsheeter, Becky for alerting us to this story.
Personally, I bristled when I read this. Having my husband in the delivery rooms both times was amazing. I needed him for strength and support the first time with a difficult delivery. And, I will never forget his big fat happy tears that fell on my shoulder when the doctor proclaimed “It’s a girl!” with my easier second delivery. This was a shared experience and I can not imagine him not being there to witness our children entering the world and hearing our them cry for the first time.
But this may not be the case for everyone.
What are your thoughts? Waiting room or Delivery room? Anyone have experiences to share either way?
26 Responses to "Keep Dad Out of the Delivery Room?"
My initial reaction when I read this was to spew out a lengthy stream of cuss words.
My next reaction was to spew out more cuss words.
Then I thought about it, cussed a few more times, and figured that this was just one more effort for a doctor to avoid having anybody watch over his shoulder. Frankly, if watching a birth is going to lead to divorce, that marriage was on the rocks in the first place. If the husband is a distraction, then he should be booted — but only on a case-by-case basis, and by the mom. But don’t be so boneheaded as to write a one-size-fits-all policy.
I considered the birth of my son to be the single most rewarding and thrilling moment of my life. The doctor would have had to use a stun gun and a handful of beefy security guys to keep me away. And unless my wife is an expert liar, I know she felt reassured that I was in the hospital room with her.
I agree with JDM. After reading the article I didn’t think that dads should be excluded from the delivery room, but that you shouldn’t have a baby with a man who is a jerk!
Wow, as a woman that is 6 months pregnant with her first child, this article really infuriated me!!
First, why in the world should we care if a husband is stressed out seeing his wife go through all of that, and that it may take him a day to emotionally recover? That is the least of the concerns after all that the woman is going through! And I agree with JDM that if a marriage ends after this, it was definitely already on the rocks. What type of a man would leave their wife after witnessing childbirth??? I can only imagine a situation involving either a terrible person or a terrible marriage.
I do find it interesting that the doctor said that the husband’s adrenaline and stress would cause labor to progress more slowly due to more stress for the mother. But honestly, is he suggesting that women go into labor alone and have no family or friends there at all? Because if a woman’s husband isn’t there, surely her mother or sister or someone else is. And if they care enough to be there, surely they care enough to feel anxious and have adrenaline course through their body, too. That would leave the alternative of a woman just relying on medical staff, and having nobody look out for her and the baby personally. What a terrible way to be in labor and deal with all of that pain. And I’m not a trustworthy person so I definitely don’t trust medical staff to do everything great without someone there to look after me! That is ridiculous!!! Childbirth is also an emotional experience as well as a physical one (from what I have read and heard) and you just need someone there that cares about you to help you through it.
The final part about the husband not being as sexually attracted to the wife afterwards is also very infuriating. I mean, first the husband has seen all kinds of physical changes in his wife for the past 9 months and there’s no way around that. And he can choose to see as much as he wants to in childbirth; he can stay up at her head if it all really bothers him. He has an easy ride in all of this! And again, why should be be so concerned about such a superficial concern of a man when the woman is creating a human being here and going through all of this stress and pain?
I also can’t believe this doctor left his own wife totally ALONE to give birth while the midwife was down the street! What an awful and selfish thing to do. I would NEVER hire this guy as my doctor after reading this article.
My husband fully intends to be there with me during our childbirth in September and we wouldn’t have it any other way. I need him there for emotional support and for him to make sure the medical staff is doing their job properly.
Sorry for such a long post but this one just struck a chord in me!
My husband was in the delivery room with me and it was great (him being there, not the labor). I didn’t have a sister or other female family member as many of my friends did and I love that my husband and I are the only ones who experienced the entire thing together. My daughter saw her father’s face first and he knows every part of her birth story. I do admit that I got a lot of support from one of the nurses who was exactly what I needed during the toughest part of labor. She knew what she was doing and that was comforting to me. But, my husband was a great support and I don’t remember once feeling stress from his side of my bed.
I’m sorry, but I look at this man and think, “Chauvenist pig”.
Granted, my two children were born via c-section, but the first was after my water broke, and I was on pitocin for over 12 hours and in labor for about 20 hours and never dialated past a 3. Because my husband was there? I doubt it. The second was a scheduled surgery and my husband still marvels at the experience of being in the room and watching our girls emerge and take their first breaths. Being part of that miracle of birth brought us closer.
Granted, history is not in favor of this, and maybe there are some men that can’t handle it. But what I hate about people who look back at how things were done over the past centuries is that they forget what the infant mortality rate - not to mention the maternal mortality rate - was like at the time, too. Hey, there are more interventions these days? Maybe it’s so as to prevent more unnecessary suffering and death! Granted, some can’t be avoided even in hospitals, as anyone who has been reading Matt Logelin’s blog is keenly aware, but who is to say that without a c-section, both me and my daugther, left to our own devices, might have died in childbirth because I never dilated and was never able to deliver her?
And this part about women perfectly relaxed for childbirth? Is he INSANE? Oh, wait, he’s a man. But he claims as a doctor he has facilitated 15,000 births? How many of those women were RELAXED? I don’t think I know any woman who has given birth who would describe labor or delivery as “relaxing”. Again, “chauvenist pig” comes to mind.
Oh, and about how women through how many millenia have given birth without men? Maybe he should quit his practice, then, too, and leave it to the female OBs. They, at least, DO belong in the delivery room.
I had a relaxing labor, and I am not a freak. It was quite peaceful. (No, there was no epidural involved.) My husband was there. I can see where a father’s anxiety can contribute to birthing mother’s anxiety, which could slow labor, but in my case, knowing my husband was there calmed me. I didn’t need him holding my hand, but I did need to know that he was close by.
I agree with JDM. This “father causes anxiety” thing cannot be universally applied to all cases, even if does occur in some cases. If a mother feels anxious, her labor will slow. That could be caused by the father, but it could be caused by other factors too. The nurse may cause anxiety, while the father brings security. Or, I have heard of more than one woman who labored most effectively when left completely alone. (Hence Odent’s leaving his wife alone for a bit to labor.) There is nothing wrong with that. Whatever works for the mother to do her labor work, in my perspective. Of course, if the partner wants to be there for the birth, I hope the mother takes that into account when deciding who she wants around. It’s a very important day for dad as well as mom!
Our son was delivered 7.5 weeks early and I had to have an emergency c-section. I was able to be awake during the surgery and having my husband next to me kept me calm during a scary and uncertain time. He was also able to document the birth of our son in pictures (not too graphic) and I was able to see the images of my son’s first moments out of the womb and I would have missed that had he not been allowed in the OR with me.
Besides helping me, I think it was important for my husband to witness the birth of our son so that he could bond with with him in those initial moments as well.
I would much rather have had my husband in the OR with me than my mother, sister or friend. It was a very intimate moment for us as we became a family of three, despite the 10 other professionals in the room during the delivery.
My hubby was in the room for my delivery, and it was a wonderful experience for both of us. I was a little worried about how he would react since he’s very squeamish (a few weeks before my due date he tried to give blood at a work drive and he passed out!) but he handled it very well. He thought he would stay up by my head, but as it was happening he couldn’t help but watch the miracle of our son being born. He didn’t get sick or depressed afterwards, and our marriage is as strong as ever. To this day, though, if I ask him about watching the birth, he turns a little pale and says half-jokingly, “I saw things that day that I never want to discuss again…” I wouldn’t change a thing, though, his presence was very calming and reassuring for me (unlike my mother’s presence, which would have driven me crazy!)
Personally, while reading the article I felt that the author is an egomaniac, and took lots of delight in writing something that would be so controversial. I think he’s just looking for his 15 minutes of fame!
I think that article is a load of crap. My husband did a annoy me a little during the birth of our daughter, he kept trying to make jokes and talk when I wanted to concentrate, but once I told him to stop he did and everything was fine from there. I think the nurse who kept adjusting my bed so I was laying almost flat on my back made me more anxious than my husband. And I would never want to take that experience away from him. Seeing his tears of joy when our daughter was born is one my favorite memories of that day. And it must not have scared him too much because we are now expecting our second daughter in September and I expect him to be right there with me when she is born.
This didn’t infuriate me the way it did some other people. He seems to simply be advocating for some studies to be done, which could be used as discussion points for couples as they decide how to approach their delivery room experience.
My husband was at the birth of our son, and was glad to have been there. He was very moved, and I would have felt he was robbed of something having not been there. But as for helpfulness, he was not of much comfort to me. I don’t think he slowed down my labor or anything, but I did very much prefer to be left alone and not to think, as the author did suggest. But each of our experiences is our own, and that’s what will resonate with us.
Wow - I cannot IMAGINE going thru childbirth without my man by my side! We created this little human together - how awesome it was TWICE to be alone in the room (with medical personnel of course) when our children entered this world! My husband often says that it has made our bond that much stronger and our marriage is better because of the children - awful labor and all - and NOT because we had any trouble in our marriage before - but because he was there to witness every single second of the process. UIt’s hard for them to even come close to being able to comprehend what we are going through - but being there - they at least see it firsthand the miracle of birth - as ugly as it sometimes is! When our daughter was born she was wisked off to the NICU right after delivery and my hubby wasn’t sure what to do - stay with me or go with her - I made him go with her - I didn’t want her to be alone - for her to have both of us there from the very second she entered this world - and to have her Daddy accompany her to get fixed up - priceless. I wouldn’t change a thing - and if I can convince him (and myself) that we should have more babies - it will be just the two of us in the delivery room again!!
As Beth B. says, it would be interesting to see the studies this doctor advocates actually performed…his evidence is all pretty anecdotal and I would love to know if his “findings” are held up by statistics.
Also, I agree with Anna that while my husband occasionally bugged me during labor, it was up to me to let him know what I needed…which I did! He complied quickly. : )
I’m not exactly “offended” by this article–it’s actually pretty interesting–but I absolutely agree that it really can’t be a blanket policy. People should be able to make their own choices about it.
I really can’t imagine having given birth either time without my husband, both for my sake and for his. I would never dream of having him miss those wonderful first few moments. What a terrible thing to deprive anyone of!
PS Darcie–I meant to mention that the end of your post struck a chord with me! I am also currently trying to convince both my husband AND myself that a third kid would be a great idea! : ) It’s the hardest decision I’ve ever made…
I cringed when I read his claim to “having been in charge of 15,000 births.” Um, hello? Who is really and truly “in charge” of a birth? I think it’s the mother and her baby. It’s not the person who catches the baby or monitors the progress of labor. Jerk. I couldn’t get past that arrogance when I read the rest of the article (even though I know that Michel Odent is a big proponent of natural childbirth, which I respect).
My husband was with me for both my births — the first a difficult labor that ended in a c-section, the second a much easier labor that ended in a VBAC (no drugs, even!). I don’t hold him responsible for the way either birth went. I am just happy he was with me because, according to him, both experiences seeing his children being born were among the most amazing moments of his life.
To counter Odent’s line of thinking, it was actually stuff like hospital policies and snappy nurses that stressed me out during labor. My husband was wonderful. (So was our doula.) He actually helped me stay calm during those times, and he didn’t interrupt me when I was in that “other place.” He didn’t try to pull me out of it with “thinking” and “reason.” But you know who did? The damn nurses. They would just walk into my room and tell me it was time to check me on the fetal monitor, and I’d have to snap out of my trance.
And speaking of the need to raise your oxytocin levels immediately after the birth: Did the midwife really need to stitch up my tear in those first moments when I was trying to bond with my baby? Lidocaine shot: OUCH … hello, adrenaline.
Hi–Katy’s husband here (surprise!). So I was annoying sometimes during labor?!? *sniff–wipes away tears of shame & resentment*
This is very irresponsible of an alleged scientist. I find it troubling that an article can even be published based solely on one physician’s vague anecdotal perspective. If he thinks this might be worth looking into HE SHOULD LOOK INTO IT. See, in SCIENCE, scientists actually, you know, STUDY STUFF & run EXPERIMENTS, REPEATEDLY. Their data is then peer-reviewed–it has to be replicable to be scientific. THEN you publish your findings.
Sorry for the caps, but such ignorance of the scientific method is unforgivable, even if he is a “leading obstetrician [who] has been instrumental in influencing childbirth practices for decades.” I agree with some above posters–I would NEVER want this guy as our doctor!
I totally disagree with this article. My husband was the only thing that kept me calm during a three day labor and delivery of a over 9 pound baby. He knew when I needed it quiet, he help my head when I threw up, he cut the cord and held OUR baby. When we got married it was for better or worse. It definately is worse to see your partner in pain, but it is also amazing to see your partner so powerful that they can give birth. He had a sense of awe and admiration toward me that made me feel proud of my accomplishment. It has not negatively impacted our relationship at all. This silly old man needs to take his silly old ideas and retire.
My husband was with me for all five of my births; two hospital and three home. I agree that usually the husbands are part of the process of creating the baby and SHOULD be present for the birth.
That said, I think Mr. Odent has some valid points and it took a lot of courage to raise the question of a husband’s presence at a birth.
I am also a trained doula and midwife’s assistant and have struggled with the question of a husband’s ROLE at a birth. Several posters have mentioned that their husbands were “annoying” at times. Childbirth classes often try to train the husband to be the birth coach, which for some men can be very stressful. Most men will only attend a couple births in their entire lifetime and will have very few opportunities to become proficient at supporting birthing women. When explaining my role as a doula I try to reassure the husbands that they don’t need to try to memorize the stages of labor, or remember all the comfort techniques. A trained doula has all that information at her fingertips and can gently remind him when needed.
It can also be stressful for the mother to feel obligated to have the husband there, but frustrated if he is not good at providing the comfort measures. While this can be an opportunity to open the lines of communication between them, it may also just add to the stress. It is not fair to expect one person to meet all our needs in every situation.
Other posters have mentioned how special the bonding between the husband and the child is. I also love helping a “concerned” husband see the strength and determination in his wife. If he is too stressed to see this himself, the doula can help point this out. I have seen many a man gain a new appreciation for his wife through the birth process.
The husband is often the only person who can convey a true love for the birthing woman. When she sees that in his eyes, or hears him tell her so, she is lifted in a way no one else can do. A doula might be able to give a better back rub, but only the husband can say, “I love you.”
I think having realistic expectations for a husband’s role at the birth and preparing him will help to more consistently make his presence a positive experience for everyone.
I think my husband said it best at the waterbirth of our fourth son. I held his hand in my left hand and my mother’s or my doula’s in my right for almost the entire labor. When asked how he felt about so many other people there he said, “It doesn’t mean as much for me to say she is doing great as it does when they (the other women)say it because I have never been through this.”
I was told that this is Odent’s response to the article and some feedback similar to what has been posted here:
“About the pages in Daily Mail, first I was not the author of the
article. It was written by a journalist after an interview on the
phone. Also it is probable that people just read the sensational title.
In fact I have never said that men ’should not be at the birth of
their child’.
Warmest regards
Michel”
See http://www.consciouswoman.org/2008/04/28/michel-odent-on-men-at-childbirth/
I agree with those above that the article is not scientific and not in tune with many mothers’ wishes, but why should it be? It was not published in JAMA, or by a credible news organization. It was in the *DAILY MAIL* amongst celebrity gossip! Of course they found some sell-out doctor willing to argue the opposite of what their survey said. Of course they cite no actual research, they really don’t even give the doctor’s credentials beyond a suspiciously vague suggestion that he is important in his field! What bothers me most is that this the sort of thing fills the *FEMAIL* section; sensationalized drivel for “less rigorous readers”. Please don’t dignify this type of journalism with legitimate consideration. It isn’t worth it!
That being said, I think that any actual statistics/research on whether the dad (or anyone else) should be present would be pointless because that still says nothing about what is best for any one birth. Every mother, every family, every delivery is a different situation.
Was my husband sometimes annoying during labor? Sure. Would I have preferred him not to be there? NO WAY! I would have spent 19 hours wondering where he was and what he was doing. Instead, we played cards, walked and talked a lot. When I thought I wanted a shoulder rub and his hands were 100000 degrees? That was annoying, but certainly not traumatic or to the point where it caused marital problems!
To be totally honest I think alot of men(not all) feel pressured to be in the delivery room coaching their wife, but are pretty freaked out by the process. With our first child, I was very romantic about childbirth after watching all of those labor and delivery videos of the husband gazing lovingly into the eyes of his wife and massaging her etc…Well, when it was time to give birth he was there and was fine but a little uncomfortable, I was much more dependent on my nurse and midwife. He made a comment later about the mirror they brought out while I was pushing-and probably saw more than he bargained for. Anyway, with the second baby I decided that if he was really uncomfortable he could leave the room and I would not be upset, I recognized that the graphic nature of childbirth is not for everyone. He did end up staying in the room and held my hand and encouraged me and it was nice that he was there but I did make sure there was no mirror (really I didn’t need to see EVERYTHING either). My husband is a nice mature man and it was alot for him, I could definitely understand that there are some men that would make laboring much more difficult. By the way one of our jokes while I was pregnant was that he needed to pack his swimming trunks so he could get in the tub with me while in labor (this is actually on one of my “what to bring to the hospital” lists)-the LAST thing I would want while laboring in the tub is another person.
I was surprised to see that Dr. Odent would say such things about childbirth. I saw his comments during the film “The Business of Being Born” and he seemed like he was an advocate for doing things naturally but he didn’t seem like he thought all women should be out birthing alone in the fields or anything. The link to the response was interesting and I would tend to believe that comment rather than the article from The Daily Mail.
That said, I can see why it might be beneficial to not have all dads involved at the birth. Some parents are very stressing and demanding and I can definitely see why their presence may hinder progress in terms of birth. But I wouldn’t go so far as to say that a dad shouldn’t be there.
I got excited when I saw Katy’s husband Rob come on here - I thought he was going to comment on the convincing ourselves to have another baby thing!! 
I agree with Beth H’s comments about the expectations of fathers and how, at times, these expectations can be unrealistic and unfair to the fathers.
We were blessed to have two doulas at our son’s birth (one hired, one apprentice). I believe this took a lot of pressure off my husband. He was able to come and go as needed (nervous first-time dad and all that!) and they all rotated taking care of me and the baby. I also believe he would not have wanted to miss his son’s birth for the world.
I realize that not all expectant fathers would want to attend their baby’s birth for various reasons, but hope that they would be encouraged to do so as it is a once in a lifetime event, and to also consider having a doula at the birth if both parents are comfortable in doing so. I have read (particularly in Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth) about women’s labor stalling due to other’s presence in the room so it is obviously something to be aware of, but this is another good example where a doula can be very helpful.
Darcie–
If only! neither of us knows WHAT the heck we want…! : )
I have one observation: Dad didn’t mind being present for the conception, so he’d better finish what he started. A little stressful for him? Tough cookies. He’d better get used to it.
