Today we have an inquiry from the Cribsheet in-box about childcare costs.

Hello Cribsheeters,
My husband and I are thinking about starting a family soon. We both work full time and are looking at our finances to see if the timing would be right. I started to call daycare centers and home daycare providers in my area and was SHOCKED by the prices. The average price I found was about $150/week for an infant. Are there any places I could look that wouldnt’ be that expensive? Are there other options that would still allow both me and my husband to work our day jobs? 

- Allison

 Allison, yep. sticker shock, I know.  I hate to say it but the price you’ve been quoted is in the ballpark - actually on the low end for weekly infant care. See childcare cost chart from mnchildcare.org  here. 

My husband and I work opposite schedules to spend more time with the kids and keep costs lower too. Of course, that is not an option for everyone.

Take a good look at your current budget. Oftentimes the money spent going out to eat, entertainment, travel,  etc. get shifted to childcare and diapers when you have kids.  It all seems to work out.

Do any Cribsheeters have any additional  suggestions for her?

Oh, this guest post from colleague, Will Martin, couldn’t have come at a more appropriate time. We are making the crib to bed transition with Ben soon too. Although he has yet to try to jump the crib, his legs dangle out through the rails and he’s just too big for it now. Read on how Will’s transition with daughter, Emma, is going and share your tips too.

At what point is it time to move your toddler from crib to bed, and how can you ease the transition of that sometimes-difficult move? It’s a question that all parents have to tackle at some point.

For my wife and I, it was midnight when the restlessness of our 2-year-old daughter turned into a full-blown tantrum. We turned to the trusty combo of milk, Mickey and blankie, but there were no takers. She responded with a ninja-style flip out of the crib, which she nearly landed (with no prior martial arts experience). A few hours later, including a 2 a.m. car ride in my boxer-briefs (T.M.I.), Emma fell asleep, and my wife and I concluded: jumping out of the crib equals no more crib.

We tracked down a twin bed and filled her room, which she’s been in for a week now, with fun and inexpensive IKEA accessories. The transition has been easy some nights and tougher others. Her latest bedtime strategy includes requests such as:

“Dada lay on floor.”

“Dada lay head down.”

“Dada sleep.”

She actually patted me on the head and said “good job” the other night after I had completed my tasks. This process usually takes about an hour before she finally drifts off. We want to lessen that.

We have dark shades to block out the late summer light, a nightlight and a fleet of stuffed animals standing at the ready, which seam to help a bit. We’re trying to regulate her sleep schedule more, but that can be tough when she’s in daycare.

We may also add some music to the mix, Coldplay  perhaps?, but any additional suggestions would be great.

Here is an article from Parents magazine with tips on the transition, but please share any additional hints that worked for you.

Today we have Cribsheet reader, Jeanne, soliciting advice for how to respond to unsolicited advice and comments…

Hi Kay and May,

I am writing to Cribsheet because I wonder if this topic has been
discussed in a previous posting.

I am currently a stay-at-home Mom as well as well as “mature” (read:
“older”) college student. I previously had employment outside of the
home but left because the cost of childcare cancelled out my not
particularly lucrative social services salary. I have been a SAHM
for two years now, caring for my toddler and preschooler. I am often
asked about my “employment status” by family members, friends, and
neighbors.

I have received unsolicited advice and commentary
suggesting that my children are “too young” for me to return to the
world of paid employment and it would be “best to wait until the kids
are in school” before I even think about checking out the
classifieds.

Others have inquired as to why I (willingly) remain a
SAHM. In one memorable encounter, a relative asked, “Are you
currently looking for a job? Don’t you want to get back to work?
Don’t you want to do more with your life than stay home?”

I wonder why people feel so compelled to offer their two cents? Why
is it that SAHM’s are stereotyped as “unmotivated and lazy” whereas
working moms are labeled “selfish.” (Both of which are of course
foolish stereotypes that I have heard). Many parents do not have the
option of whether or not to be a “SAHM” or a “working mom” due to
financial considerations.

I am wondering how other moms and dads
might address any comments about their “employment status?

A query from B. in Plymouth…..

Hi Cribsheeters,

My husband and I are expecting our first and I’m about 8 weeks along. We are waiting to tell families until after our first doctor visit and will tell everyone else around 12 weeks.

We have been trying to come up with creative and fun ways to make the announcement. We are the first in our families and our group of friends to
be pregnant so it will be a pretty big suprise.

We’d love any suggestions.

Thanks!
B.

I sent Elizabeth’s question on asking for flex time to the Brazen Careerist. Penelope Trunk is a syndicated columnist who writes career advice for the Boston Globe and others targeted at “a new generation of workers.” She lives with her baby in Madison, Wisc.

Here’s her advice - with signature honesty and directness - to add to the great tips already offered by Cribsheeters:

If you want to cut back on your hours, just do it. Don’t ask. Get all your work done, and do a great job, which, hopefully, you have always done, and people will probably let you work fewer hours. You won’t get a promotion,but you’ll be able to keep your job.

If you want to work two days at home after you have the baby, it’s going to be a really tough sell. I mean, why do you want to work at home? To be with the baby, right? And how can you work if you’re with the baby? Most moms think they can do it and most moms can’t. If nothing else, we’re pre-programmed to stand up when the baby cries, even if there’s a nanny right there.

The key to both these things, though, is being an absolute star at work before you ask for concessions. The best thing you can do to plan for cutting back work when you have kids is to become a key performer in your industry. If you are easily replaced, there is little incentive for your company to let you cut back when they can easily hire someone who doesn’t have a baby. If you are difficult to replace it’s cost-effective for the company to let you work whatever hours you want.