…. my four-year-old asks at breakfast.

Phew. Such a simple question. So difficult to answer.

I want to say it’s something you get paid for but then how to explain what her stay-at-home dad does? And then there’s the “work” they do at preschool (Montessori teachers call everything work - as in “put away your work now.”).

I end up telling her a story instead of how I love to write and I’m good at it so I went to the newspaper and they liked me too. And so they said will you work for us and now they give me money for it. And I use the money to pay for food and our house. Long-winded and lame and narrow, I know.

And it didn’t really answer her question at all.

And with that less-than-riveting answer, my daughter gazed out in our back yard and pronounced: “Mommy, that’s a really big spiderweb.”

Her question stuck with me through the morning.

Because you know, it’s a question we ask ourselves all through our lives. I’m lucky enough to love what I do for a living. But there have definitely been ups and downs in my career.

Our enduring quest to answer Zoe’s question - “what is work?” - is why we read books like “What Color is your Parachute.” It’s why something gets caught in our throats when we watch “The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill” and the bearded, long-haired drifter talks about searching for his “life work” which unexpectedly appears in the form of a flock of wild green and red parrots.

So I asked a couple of people who know a lot about work what they would have said to my Zoe. (more…)

I sent Elizabeth’s question on asking for flex time to the Brazen Careerist. Penelope Trunk is a syndicated columnist who writes career advice for the Boston Globe and others targeted at “a new generation of workers.” She lives with her baby in Madison, Wisc.

Here’s her advice - with signature honesty and directness - to add to the great tips already offered by Cribsheeters:

If you want to cut back on your hours, just do it. Don’t ask. Get all your work done, and do a great job, which, hopefully, you have always done, and people will probably let you work fewer hours. You won’t get a promotion,but you’ll be able to keep your job.

If you want to work two days at home after you have the baby, it’s going to be a really tough sell. I mean, why do you want to work at home? To be with the baby, right? And how can you work if you’re with the baby? Most moms think they can do it and most moms can’t. If nothing else, we’re pre-programmed to stand up when the baby cries, even if there’s a nanny right there.

The key to both these things, though, is being an absolute star at work before you ask for concessions. The best thing you can do to plan for cutting back work when you have kids is to become a key performer in your industry. If you are easily replaced, there is little incentive for your company to let you cut back when they can easily hire someone who doesn’t have a baby. If you are difficult to replace it’s cost-effective for the company to let you work whatever hours you want.

A Friday inquiry for our readers from our Cribsheet Mailbox

Hi there. I am a mother of a 2-year-old and work full time. My husband and I are planning for our second child, hopefully sometime next spring. We both work full time, I would love to have more time at home as we transition from 1 to 2 kids. So here’s my question: How do you talk with your employer about cutting down on your hours? I don’t necessarily want to go part-time, but perhaps come in later and leave earlier. Do I offer to take a significant pay cut or compensate with “working from home” at other hours of the day? Or work from home 1-2 days a week? How do you convince an employer that when you work from home you really are working from home? I am planning ahead for when the second arrives and would love any experiences or advice other working moms have regarding this topic. Thanks!
Elizabeth