The hose from hell
Posted on May 22nd, 2008 – 7:15 AMBy Robyn Dochterman
I’ve had it with the garden hose. All of them. Any I’ve ever had, in fact. And all its friends, too. This hose was supposed to be the last I’d ever need; the non-kinking, indestructible, super-hero of hoses.
All was well until I had some work done in the yard and the construction guy unhooked the hose from the faucet so he didn’t drive over it with his Bobcat. Last night, I went to hook it back up so I could water my newly-seeded lawn.
But the one little screwy thing wouldn’t screw on the y-splitter attached to the faucet. How could that be? How could it work fine yesterday and not work at all today? This should not be rocket science. I should be smarter than a $2.99 hunk of brass or a $20 tube of rubber. I messed with it for an hour, trying it this way; these threads to those; this end to that. I’d get it halfway on, and then not be able to get it back off and it sprayed water all over me. Ahem. Several times.
So, I got a new y-splitter and managed to attach the hose to the faucet. I set off looking for a spray nozzle. I found one, attached it, and turned on the water. The connection seemed good, but the nozzle was bad — rusted through — and go figure, it sprayed water all over me.
Back to store. New nozzle. The new nozzle worked great, except that apparently the hose threads are now slightly dented (I’m sure that has nothing to do with my little temper tantrum over it), so even though the screw connection is tight, water escaped and — you guessed it — sprayed all over me.
I gave up on the nozzle and found an impulse sprinkler. Now those things really are rocket science.
Why don’t I have any hose sense? Can I blame it on my parents somehow? Does anyone have any advice or suggestions, short of getting an entire sprinkler system installed (and yes, I really am thinking about that!)
9 Responses to "The hose from hell"
I have the same thing as you do! I swear hoses make me feel bad about myself, like why do I have so many freakin problems operating a simple non-mechanic device?
I’m happy to hear I’m not the only one out there…sometimes I swear I look like Charlie Chaplin to my neighbors when I end up spraying myself in the face and wrestling with my hose and connections.
Lowe’s has a sort of useful rundown of hose information here, by the way. Or if you give up entirely, here are some other things to do with your garden hose, compliments of This Old House website.
If water is spraying out from the connection you may be missing a washer. There should be a washer in the female connector - whether its the hose, an attachment, a Y splitter, whatever.
If your pieces are not threading together, they may be out of round - the thinner brass of hose ends are sometimes squashed slightly from, say, being stepped on, which will make them difficult to use.
Lastly, my personal preference is for brass fittings, not plastic. They last longer & are less prone to breaking.
Postscript, take care to detach fittings periodically, particularly non-plastic stuff. I have a sprayer that works just fine, but is permanently corroded to a hose. Instead of limiting myself to a sprayer permanently attached to 30′ of hose, I cut the hose & added the appropriate connectors so I now have a 29′ hose & a sprayer permanently attached to 1′ of hose. It works great.
My problem is i wait until I finally need my hoses without checking them beforehand and I seem to go through the same thing every spring….note to self: must stop at hardware store and get new washers and connectors. Maybe I should spend more on better quality too.
This made me laugh, it shouldn’t be rocket science but I had to buy two hose splitters last year, the nice brass one I tried first just did NOT fit my hoses, but a cheap yellow plastic did. Of course the cheap plastic splitter cracked over the winter, so I had to get another. And then I had to buy another hose because I could NOT get one of the hoses unscrewed from the broken splitter. ARGH!
The best suggestion is the quick connect attachments. Get those on all the hose ends and life will be a little easier. That said, my soaker hose decided to play a new game and play geyser at the end, soaking me instead of the garden. Some kind of separating between the brass parts I guess. But I after drying off I just lopped off the end and replaced it with a new part from the local hardware store and am back in business. Better than spending all that money on a new hose.
i second the quick connect attachments. i have them on my hose end, the soaker hose in my vegetable garden, the sprinkler for the little patch of new grass seed i planted, and the sprayer. it makes easy work of disconnecting from one and connecting to another without having to run around to the front of the house and turn the water off first.
i have an in ground sprinkler system for the lawn that was already installed when i bought my house. when i put in my garden i had to take out the sprinkler head in that location because high pressure lawn sprinklers are not kind to delicate growing vegetables. there are different types of sprinkler heads you can use for garden areas, but i just capped mine off and use my soaker hose. otherwise the entire left section of my lawn would be watered every time i watered my garden since its not set up as a separate section in the programming unit.
We got a black rubber hose and nozzle made by Goodyear…or another tire brand. Best nozzle ever. And while the hose is heavier than its green cousins, it’s much less frustrating. It takes a little more time to coil it back onto its hook, but it’s worth it when I need to use it the next day and it’s all neatly coiled.
Greengirls Jaime Chismar, Connie Nelson, and Robyn Dochterman are dishin' the dirt from the backyard garden and beyond. Whether you're a greenthumb or greenhorn, they're eager to learn from your misshaps, mistakes -- and most importantly, your sweet successes -- all growing season long.
You can also send your questions, ideas, tips and tricks to greengirls@startribune.com.
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