Robyn’s lucky. Her neighbor sneaks into her yard (with a Bobcat) to remove troublesome boulders. My neighbor sprays herbicides on my raspberry bushes.

Here’s the full story:

For the past three years, my backyard neighbor and I have pretty much ignored each other.

Every now and again, her black lab sneaks into my yard. The owner promptly retrieves her pet but never the mess he left behind. I could handle a misplaced poo if she smiled or said “Hi” when I greeted her, but this neighbor has no interest in me.

Cursing every time she pulls a weed or trims her tress, it’s also obvious that my neighbor has no interest in lawn care or gardening.

This spring, she suddenly started to care about the plants on our property line — rather the dandelions growing under the shrubs and hostas on our property line. If I had seen my neighbor spraying herbicides on these plants, I would have stopped her. All I saw — and smelled — was the aftermath of her chemical warfare.

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I’ve had it with the garden hose. All of them. Any I’ve ever had, in fact. And all its friends, too. This hose was supposed to be the last I’d ever need; the non-kinking, indestructible, super-hero of hoses.

All was well until I had some work done in the yard and the construction guy unhooked the hose from the faucet so he didn’t drive over it with his Bobcat. Last night, I went to hook it back up so I could water my newly-seeded lawn.

But the one little screwy thing wouldn’t screw on the y-splitter attached to the faucet. How could that be? How could it work fine yesterday and not work at all today? This should not be rocket science. I should be smarter than a $2.99 hunk of brass or a $20 tube of rubber. I messed with it for an hour, trying it this way; these threads to those; this end to that. I’d get it halfway on, and then not be able to get it back off and it sprayed water all over me. Ahem. Several times.

So, I got a new y-splitter and managed to attach the hose to the faucet. I set off looking for a spray nozzle. I found one, attached it, and turned on the water. The connection seemed good, but the nozzle was bad — rusted through — and go figure, it sprayed water all over me.

Back to store. New nozzle. The new nozzle worked great, except that apparently the hose threads are now slightly dented (I’m sure that has nothing to do with my little temper tantrum over it), so even though the screw connection is tight, water escaped and — you guessed it — sprayed all over me.

I gave up on the nozzle and found an impulse sprinkler. Now those things really are rocket science.

Why don’t I have any hose sense? Can I blame it on my parents somehow? Does anyone have any advice or suggestions, short of getting an entire sprinkler system installed (and yes, I really am thinking about that!)

You probably want to get going on your lawn — as soon as it stops snowing. But remember: Raking too early can harm the grass. Fertiziling too early can be a waste of fertilizer. Read on for timely tips:

Rake the lawn ONLY if it feels firm underfoot. If it’s still wet and spongy, put the rake away. You can damage the fragile grass crowns and compact the soil if you rake too early. Once the soil is firm, you can go ahead and seed thin spots. Seeding will encourage thicker growth and discourage weeds.

If you haven’t done so in a couple years, areate your lawn. It’ll help your grass absorb water and nutrients.

Wait to fertilize until the grass is actively growing and has been mowed at least once. If you fertilized in the fall, you can skip it this spring.

(You may want to consider a ”green” fertilizer with natural ingredients such as corn gluten meal, soybean meal, blood meal or feather meal. Or top dress your lawn with completed compost or composted cow manure instead of fertilizing. • When you mow, keep the grass longer (2½ to 3½ inches). That will encourage deeper roots, which help grass plants survive hot, dry weather.

And don’t bag your grass. Leave the clippings on the lawn. They break down and add nutrients to the soil.

You’re not alone. The end of July is the hottest part of the growing season and our five day forecast is less than encouraging. High heat and humidity can really deal a blow to healthy lawns and gardens. Your flowers, grass, even your established trees may be having a hard time dealing with the high temps and drought conditions.

This afternoon, I got the skinny from Mary McGuire Lerman with the Minneapolis Park and Recreation Board. She says it’s time to give our thirsty trees and shrubs a nice long drink. Healthy plants help keep a house — and the overheated gardeners hiding inside — nice and cool during these tough weather conditions. (Check out the latest Dirt on Gardening podcast for more information.)

How are you going to help out your plants? Do you have special tricks you use to help your plants beat the heat?

Gad zooks! It’s supposed to be a hot one this weekend, with temps topping 90. You can seek shelter in air-conditioned comfort, take an ice bath or hide out in a movie theater watching “Transformers” over and over, but what can your plants do? Here are some ways to help your garden beat the heat:

Water. Early morning is best, because there’s less loss to evaporation. But if you can’t water early, water in the evening, once it’s cooled off a bit. (Nighttime watering isn’t the best because it can encourage plant pests and diseases.) And remember, water thoroughly rather than often. Set the sprinkler or soaker hose and leave it go for a while. Watering with a watering can will likely leave your plants thirsty.

Mulch. If you haven’t mulched already, add an inch or two of organic material (hay, straw, shredded leaves, partially completed compost, etc.) to your garden beds, around trees and shrubs, even in your containers. Mulch helps hold soil moisture in and keep soil temperatures down.

Move. Your potted plants, that is. Group containers together in the shade, at least during the hottest part of the day. That will help keep them from wilting.

Be nice to your grass. Continue to water your grass at least once a week, even if it’s starting to turn brown. If you give up and stop watering completely, you can permanently damage the little grass plants. If your grass is drying out and browning, stay off it as much as you can.

Keep chemicals at bay. Plants (including grass plants) are likely to be stressed by the hot, dry weather, so it’s not the best time to fertilize or treat for insects. Wait until the weather cools.

Don’t panic. At the end of a really hot, dry day your plants may look wilted, but they’ll likely survive. Just water when they’re dry — and wait for cooler weather.

What do you do for your plants when it’s this hot?