Stu’s Hunt Down: Turkeys past
Posted on November 30th, 2007 – 1:24 PMBy Michael Rand
Admittedly, this might have been a little more topical last week, had we not forgotten to post it (we swear we didn’t even see it when Stu sent it, but a check of the archives reveals it was our bad, not his). That said, Stu digs back through some of Patrick Reusse’s past Turkeys of the Year and gives you some updates: Stu?
What is Thanksgiving to you? That’s a rhetorical question, so please don’t answer, as I do not care. Thanksgiving to me is watching the Macy’s Parade with my daughters, a wretched Lions game, and gluttony. Sweet, unadulterated gluttony. That said, Thanksgiving wouldn’t be complete for me without the annual assignation of Patrick Reusse’s Turkey of the Year. A banquet of raspberries delivered to deserving targets both local and national, it’s one of the true blessings of the season. Here’s an update on some previous honorees.
Turkey: Les Steckel, 1984
Where He Is Now: president and CEO, Fellowship of Christian Athletes. From the link, regarding his playcalling as offensive coordinator for the Tennessee Titans in Super Bowl XXXIV:
Les couldn’t keep the one inescapable thought out of his mind: “I was the offensive coordinator who called the play that came up short.” Pouring out his frustration to the Lord, Les then quieted his spirit and listened. The Lord spoke, “Les, the team fell one yard short of victory tonight. Do you know how many people out there are one yard short of eternal victory? I expect you to go tell them.”
Far be it from me to mock anyone’s sincere belief that the Lord cares about the Super Bowl, so I’ll just point to the fact that the Lord uses the English system of measurement, not the Metric system. Did He say a “meter” short of victory? No. No, He did not. Take that, France!
Turkey: Lou Holtz, 1985
Where He Is Now: spouting authentic frontier gibberish for the ESPN family of networks. Does a largely incomprehensible “Pep Talk” segment for their Thursday night college football broadcast that has become the stuff of intarweb legend. It even has its own drinking game.
Turkey: Kenneth H. Keller, 1986
Where He Is Now: Director, Johns Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies, Bologna, Italy. This is the standing record for furthest distance travelled to escape Reusse’s withering glance.
Turkey: Isaiah Rider, 1999 (Turkey of the Millennium)
Where He Is Now: you’re not going to believe this, but he’s had some run-ins with the law. Per Wiki: In February 2007, Rider pleaded guilty to several charges, including felony cocaine possession and evading an officer. He was sentenced to seven months in jail, 120 hours community service and three years’ probation. He will also have to complete a drug education program. At sentencing, Rider admitted to a longstanding problem with marijuana; he’d also begun lacing it with cocaine.
For Discussion: this year’s honoree was Charlie Weis. A worthy recipient, or was a local figure more deserving of the title? [Proprietor note: An even somewhat careful reading of the headline and the paragraphs toward the end should give some clue about what Mr. Reusse was going for here.]
7 Responses to "Stu’s Hunt Down: Turkeys past"
It was quite obvious what Ruesse was going for. Doesn’t make it any less lame.
How were McHale and Taylor not Co-Turkey’s of the year? Seriously could they have done a worse job when KG was here?
Jama: fair point, but you could argue that there’s is more of a body of crapulence, not just a single 12-month burst of suckitude.
Also, I think Weis’s fupa sealed the deal.
s/b “their” not “there”, dammit.
Why was Boogaard even considered for Turkey? Did he lose a fight or something?
I think the three-headed monster of Wilf/Taylor/Pohlad was the turducken of the year. Talk about suckitude in one year. And I could look it up, but I don’t feel like it — this would have made Pohlad the first repeat winner, would he not?
[…] Check it out! While looking through the blogosphere we stumbled on an interesting post today.Here’s a quick excerptStu’s Hunt Down: Turkeys past Friday, November 30th, 2007 [IMG 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001turkey.jpg]Admittedly, this might have been a little more topical last week, had we not forgotten to post it (we swear we didn’t even see it when Stu sent it, but a check of the archives reveals it was our bad, not his). That said, Stu digs back through some of Patrick Reusse’s past Turkeys of the Year and gives you some updates: Stu? What is Thanksgiving to you? That’s a rhetorica […]
