Of home runs and jerseys: The ethics of Kubel
Posted on April 4th, 2008 – 11:42 AMBy Michael Rand
So we arranged our work schedule yesterday in order to check out the Twins for the first time in person. You might say, “But they play all those convenient night games; why muddle everything up by trying to get to a day game.” And we might say, “Shut up.” Anyway, we headed to the game with three good gentlemen (two of the three members of the 70/30 Club — hence named for our ability to grouse about things over lazy breakfasts as if we’re 70, when really most of us are closer to 30 — and one other bloke we’ll call “Mike” because that’s his name. As you’ll recall, the offensively challenged local squad started to come alive a little in the later innings yesterday, but not enough to douse the ire Mike felt toward one Jason Kubel. So when the lefty came to the plate in a 5-3 game, Mike threw down the gauntlet and declared, “If Jason Kubel hits a home run, I will buy a Jason Kubel jersey.” And, literally next pitch, Kubel launches one into the upper deck. Immediately, Mike knows he’s stuck. He was on record, and the moment was just too perfect. But that didn’t stop him from offering a bunch of double-or-nothing scenarios (routinely dismissed by all and most notably by the same member of the Gang of Four that had turned down the official Twins Fan Photographer’s offer of having his picture picture by saying, “Wow, I really don’t think I’d ever want to do that.”) When those failed, Mike started testing the boundaries of what he’d be allowed to buy: one of those lame T-shirt jerseys; a theoretically cheaper used Mientkiewicz Twins jersey that he could rip the name off and replace with “Kubel” since they’re both No. 16; etc. And that’s where you, dear readers, come in to play. The cheapest true Kubel jersey we can find online is about $100. Should Mike be held to that standard, or is he allowed to get creative and purchase a cheaper version if he is able to find it? Also, are there combinations in play here — that is to say, if he buys the cheaper version, should he have to wear it to a certain number of games?
By the way (movie quote answer key):
1. D2
2. Slap Shot
3. Into the Wild
4. Wild Things
5. The Wild
6. Youngblood
7. Miracle
8. Call of the Wild
9. Mystery, Alaska
10. MVP (Most Valuable Primate)
21 Responses to "Of home runs and jerseys: The ethics of Kubel"
I vote for actual jersey. That’s just too perfect a moment to ruin with a T-shirt jersey.
Rules are rules, and are what separate us from dumb beasts. Of course he has to buy the Kubel jersey.
I tend to agree. And just to be clear: this is not me we’re talking about. Different Mike. But I would feel the same way if it was me.
The price tag seems a bit heavy, in his limited defense. For $100, Kubel should hand deliver a gameworn to his house, cook him a meal and maybe hang out afterwards for awhile and see where things go.
I don’t think you have a choice in this matter Mr Rand. if one is so bold as to proclaim such a thing, one must live with the consequences. hey, it could be worse. you could have said something like, “if Kubel hits a homer in this at bat, i’ll dive from the 3rd deck to the field.” and then we’d read about you in the Darwin Awards. sack up!
Jody: To reiterate: This wasn’t me. It was another unfortunate Mike. But you’re dead on. By the way, how’s the mustache?
You have to go with the t-shirt and he has to wear it to every game you guys go to. (He also pays you guys the difference between the t-shirt cost and $100)
There is just a certain amount of embarassment in having to wear a Kubel t-shirt jersey in public.
If he gets a jersey, he may actually look like a Kubel fan, which, if that is what you are going for, then that is the way to go.
(I like others have yet to read the comments)
I can’t believe you said that Mike Rand. That is sooooo unbelievable. To think that YOU would say such a thing!
What a hoot. You are so shamed forever.
Tell your “friend” that he needs to pay for a $100 jersey.
I have no sympathy for this man - I did the exact same thing with Lew Ford in 2005, and bought the real jersey (it took me about 3 days to find one). TS buddy.
Buy the real thing. Sure it’s $100 but think of how many people will ask why anyone would wear a Kubel jersey and then you get to tell the story. You can’t put a price tag on that.
Initial thought is that he buys a full price jersey.
Was the understanding that he would have to wear the jersey to every game he goes to for at least this season? If so, you could really let him get the T-shirt jersey (in pink) and have him make up the price difference in beer at the ballpark over the course of the season.
Also, I really wish Gardy would actually let Kubel get a full season’s worth of at bats now that he’s healthy. I think if he actually got to play on a regular basis he’d bury Monroe and be one of the 3 best hitters on the team.
Tell him to buy the real thing and he’ll be the first to jump on the Kubel bandwagon. By the end of the year Kubel is going to be the 3rd best player on this team behind MVP and DY.
Hopefully MVP will have a hit by then.
I don’t believe that anywhere in that story did Mike say “If Kubel hits a homerun, I’ll buy a “T-Shirt” Jesery. He should just count his blessings that he didn’t say, “If Kubel hits a homerun, I’ll [redacted] his [redacted]. Go ahead and fill in the blanks on that…
If he does not already have a Twins jersey, then you make him get the jersey. He’ll have no choice but to wear it, because let’s face it, $100 in fandom is an investment you need some results from. The irony of his inevitable decision to stop fighting his dislike for Kubel and just become a fan will be classic.
If he already has a Twins jersey, then he’ll just keep opting to wear that instead of the Kubel jersey, and a joke is no good when it’s hanging on someone’s closet. So, if that’s the case, make him get the T-shirt and wear it every game through opening day in the new stadium.
Every game he attends, that is.
The more I think about the more I think he should get a t-shirt jersey.
The reasons:
#1: Do they actually have Kubel jerseys?
#2: Only teenage girls buy t-shirt jerseys. Hence the reason Mike needs to buy one.
#3: As mentioned previously, serious fans get Jerseys. Not so smart fans get t-shirt jerseys.
#4: The comedic value of seeing that t-shirt jersey on your next NE Mpls pub crawl will be priceless!
I agree that the Pink version of a T-Shirt “Jersey” would be acceptable with the rest of the $100 buying tickets to an extra game for everyone.
Pink T-shirt would be ok, if he wears it to every game he goes to, AND once a week for the rest of the season.
Just to clarify, Rand is not talking about himself. I am the “Mike.” And he is correct, on the entire interwebs I could only find one site that sells Jason Kubel Jersey’s for $99.95. I even looked for a Rochester Red Wings jersey. Trust me, I looked everywhere.
