How much do athletes read newspapers, blogs and other such media? It’s something we’ve often wondered about. We know many of them watch SportsCenter and very much enjoy video games. We also are often treated to their favorite movie selections (more on that later). But how much honest to goodness reading do they do in an effort to find out what is being said about them or their team? While it’s impossible to get at this scientifically, we do know a couple of things: 1) Ron Artest definitely reads message boards, which is hilarious. According to the Sacramento Bee:

But in the never-ending evaluation process that’s going on in his mind, [Artest] said the way in which Kings fans perceive him certainly matters if he’s going to consider staying in Sacramento. “If I’m going to be in Sacramento, I want to know what the community is thinking about me,” he said. His latest research came after the Kings’ loss to the Lakers on Sunday, when he went on the Internet to assess the latest tone.

“(After) that last game, it was ‘Ron Artest don’t pass the ball,’ and one guy said he didn’t want me in Sacramento,” said Artest, who didn’t play against Golden State because of a sprained left thumb. “I was like, ‘Wow, what about the other games, when the teams were doubling and I was passing out of the double teams and we won the games?’ But it’s all right. I don’t worry about it too much.”

Wow. If every athlete took message boards that seriously, nobody would be playing for any team anywhere. Because we can think of nobody that is 100 percent loved on any team. OK, so another thing we know: At one point about a decade ago, even though coach Dennis Green famously only read the New York Times and USA Today as far as daily papers go, Vikings running back Robert Smith (pictured above in conjunction with an archived STrib story about his love for Mystery Science Theater 3000) appeared to read the Star Tribune on occasion. Nov. 10, 1998, a man who would later write a book about the Vikings had this to say in the letters to the editor:

I am convinced that a half-trained, club-footed monkey could man the helm of the Vikings’ offense and would still be able to throw 30 or so points on the board. Thus, I am not too worried about Jay Fiedler taking over the reins next week. But for the love of all that is sacred and good in this world, will someone please make sure one of the guys who is not a rag-armed third-string ball tosser is ready to go in two weeks? Play whoever is first to shake his case of the Robert Smiths (who knew it was contagious?).
Keith Richotte, Minneapolis

And five days later on Nov. 15, 1998, in a Dan Barreiro column, there was this:

In any case, the most interesting aspect of this week of medical-related stories out of Winter Park is that, lo and behold, Robert Smith’s name has not come up even once. As a matter of fact, it hasn’t come up in a while. Counting the playoffs, Smith has played in 25 of the past 27 Vikings games, including the last 17 in a row. The running back was asked whether it was refreshing to put the so-called fragility rap behind him. Smith laughed. “It’s not even true that it’s behind me,” he said. “I believe I saw something about Brad (Johnson) and the comment was he’s got ‘a case of the Robert Smiths.’ The issue never goes away. I’ve been taking questions about that: `You’ve been through so many injuries, what do you have to say to Brad to help him?’ That issue I will never escape.”

Questions: 1) What’s your best guess as to the average athlete’s media consumption? 2) If you could influence one athlete with one enlightened and insightful comment, who would you choose and what would the comment be? 3) Are you ready for some movie quotes? They all come this week from movies enjoyed by members of Ventura College men’s basketball team. Let’s jump for them, shall we? This post is getting kind of long.

1. Just ’cause you pour syrup on something doesn’t make it pancakes!

2. My grandpa asked me one time if I care whether I live or die. Yeah I do. Now it’s too late.

3. Say hello to my little friend!

4. You think I’d go hoarse for a player with no potential? When I ignore you… then you worry.

5. Everybody listen up. The Gridiron is a football field. On the Gridiron, we do it my way, not your way. Your way got you here. Whatever gang you claim, whatever hood you’re from, this is your hood now.

6. Most of the time I have all these thoughts bouncin’ around in my head… but with a brush in my hand, the world just gets kinda quiet.

7. I already schooled you once tonight homeboy. How many lessons you wanna learn?

8. Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions, Smokey.

9. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

10. I will go past you, through you, over you, under you, around you. As a matter of fact I will spin you like a top, twist you in a pretzel, eat your lunch, steal your girl and kick your dog at the same time.

*Don’t Tase me, bro! Tampa Bay Rays pitcher reportedly didn’t get that wish.

Fasola-link! Chimps.

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