Playing the percentages: Michelle Wie vs. the men
Posted on July 22nd, 2008 – 11:48 AMBy Michael Rand
If at first you don’t succeed … and then you still can’t … et cetera … then what? You try again because you’re Michelle Wie. We’ve been alternately trying to ignore her antics (being DQd last weekend because she failed to sign her scorecard), trying to ignore the latest story (she’s playing with the men … again), trying to replay in our minds just how she made a 9 on 9 in the Open at Interlachen (it was a meltdown only Mickelson could love) and trying to figure out if the Wii Fit is really just a misspelling related to The Pouty One’s on-course demeanor. But like Roger Clemens, Brett Favre and a handful of other thorns in the sides of sports news hounds, Wie just won’t go away or be ignored. So she leaves us no choice as to wonder what’s next for an 18-year-old.
*There’s a 17 percent chance it will have something to do with bees.
*There’s a 35 percent chance one of the male golfers at the Reno-Tahoe Open will say something about her that oscillates between insensitive and true.
*There’s a 0.4 percent chance that she’ll ditch her family and choose Greg Norman/Chris Evert as surrogate parents. By the way: wow.
*There’s a 0.00001 percent chance she’ll be romantically linked to Alex Rodriguez.
*There’s a 54 percent chance she’ll describe one of her two upcoming rounds as “unlucky.”
*There’s a 32.7 percent chance we might one day say, “Hey, Todd Marinovich’s career wasn’t all that bad.”
*There’s a 99 percent chance nobody cares anymore.
29 Responses to "Playing the percentages: Michelle Wie vs. the men"
There’s a 28 percent chance that the temperature of the earth has risen half a degree because of the electrons wasted on Michelle Wie and Brett Favre in the last year.
* There’s a 66.6% chance that the she will be cast in the next Poltergeist.
*There’s a 71% chance that after dating Robin Lopez, Lopez decides to play in the WNBA.
http://www.fanhouse.com/2008/03/27/michelle-wie-dating-robin-lopez/
*There’s a 33.333% chance she comes back to blame her wrist as to why she couldn’t sign her scorecard.
*There’s a 66.666% chance Anika calls her a baby because of it.
Apparently Chris Evert is on Brandon’s side. (”I told him he’s too good an athlete to have been a golfer.”)
0.000001% chance she wins a tournament
After reading this post and the previous post, there is a 98% chance that Patrick Reusse is sitting on Rand and has taken over RandBall for the day.
I’m willing to donate $50 to the charity of Mr. Reusse’s choice if he’ll take over RandBall for a typical five-post day. I’m sure many of the rest of you are, too.
Is Rand still on vacation? Maybe Sid’s intern has been posting for the last couple of weeks!
Great job with the foosball. I missed the dramatic reading at the end though.
There is an 8% chance that she will end up on the pages of Playboy within the next 3 years. Look in up. It’s a fact.
Sorry. I meant to say, “Look it up.”
If you said Penthouse istead of Playboy, “look in up” would have been correct.
“Patrick Reusse is sitting on Rand”
Hear that scream? That’s me. As I pour hydrochloric acid in my eyes.
There’s a 100% chance I’ll buy whatever magazine she ends up in.
No dramatic reading AND spinning in foosball? Suspect. On the plus side, she really got into it.
2:47 ftw.
There’s a 99% chance that every other Randball commenter is disappointed that Clarence beat them to that joke.
I would have been the most disappointed if someone didn’t take the bait.
On the plus side, she really got into it.
Yes. Yes, she did.
4% chance that Wie is actually a man. Causing 100% of the men to stabbed at their eyes with steak knives after viewing said pictoral.
Stu
Leave the CMS out of this.
After reading this post and the previous post, there is a 98% chance that Patrick Reusse is sitting on Rand and has taken over RandBall for the day.
If the next post is about a little-known basketball player from Pequot Lakes who led his team to a third place finish in the one-class high school basketball tournament in 1962 that even his coach didn’t remember, then I think we can bump that number up to 100%.
Oh, my guess is things will get back to normal as Mr. Reusse leaves the office to <a href=”http://www.startribune.com/entertainment/tv/25761069.html?location_refer=Homepage:highlightModules:3″the passing of an icon.
Let’s make that the passing of an icon.
Thank you for being a friend Estelle.
I think the dramatic reading was more than made up for by the onscreen chemistry of Rand and Leslie.
Lemme guess… no updates this afternoon because our Proprietor found a croquet set and is contesting a match with some Gopher basketball player.
“There’s a 100% chance I’ll buy whatever magazine she ends up in.”
You know what they say about Jail Bait…sometimes it’s worth it
